Harmonious relationship means balance, contentment, good fit, and unity.
Together we strive towards these states of being
SERVICES
Couple counselling is working with couples and their relationship issues. The work is done with marriage, or relationship with partner or another close relationship. Family counselling is appropriate when the behavior or a health concern of one or many family members becomes too much to handle within in the family. Family members are invited to alleviate or solve the problems in counselling. Often help is needed in disciplining a child who ignores the rules and therefore gives the parents a hard time. Parents often have communication problems with their teens, which prevents harmony in the family.
Family counselling can be useful when there have been or will be considerable changes in the family which create confusion and misunderstandings, or when difficult decisions have to made. Divorce-related issues may be alleviated or resolved especially concerning the continued contact and support of both parents to their kid(s).
Individual counselling is working with one person and his/her thoughts, experiences, and feelings in order to better understand the self and create certain changes.
Christian counselling is a form of counselling where special emphasis is on religious background, principles, teachings, and beliefs.
Why people seek counselling:
- Parents have separated and want it to have minimum effect on the children
- Parent cannot get the child to obey her/him
- A child has temper tantrums and bursts of anger and is violent at school
- Parent wants to understand his/her teenager better but doesn’t seem to get through
- A child is protesting against the parent’s new partner
- I would like to separate but I don’t know how does it affect the kids and what kind of agreements need to be made regarding the children.
- The children do not want to have any contact with their father, their mother’s ex
- One partner is fearful of the other leaving her/him
- On partner is bored with the relationship – nothing is wrong but nothing is right either
- Partner(s) don’t know if they want to continue in the relationship
- Mother- or father-in-law is interfering with the couple’s life excessively
- All household chores and child rearing is on the woman, she is exhausted
- We don’t seem to get along, everything seems to turn into a fight
- Infidelity has brought about such a crisis in our relationship that I am not sure it can be mended.
As far as I know, relationship audit is the kind of service that has not existed in Estonia until now. We meet during consultation to determine the most important aspects of the relationship in order to predict how sustainable the relationship is in the future: what are the strengths and what are the perils. Relationship audit is for couples who would otherwise not visit the therapist but do so now because they wish to establish where their relationships is at. Perhaps we find things they could change in order to maintain it. The questionnaire contains 40 statements which take 2-3 meetings to address. We discuss the questions and answers stopping where there are differences. There is no score at the end and the couple is to make conclusions by themselves.
Consultation is often one-time conversation with a person who wants to discuss important issues in order to make decisions or lessen confusion. It is more direct than counselling and the therapist may also give advice which in general is not recommended.
NB! All services are also available via web(sound and video) which offers to many the necessary flexibility timewise or locationwise. It would be preferable to have the first meeting face to face as the forming of contact is more effective this way.
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APPOINTMENTS
Registration for a counselling session is through submitting the form on the sheet “KONTAKT JA BRONEERIMINE”. Appointment is registered if you receive a confirmation e-mail. In case of technical difficulties, you can use e-mail: info@suhteabi.ee or call +372 53830017.
The meetings take place at Nõmme Health Clinic at Õie 37 (Tallinn). There is free parking and less traffic than in the city center. Appointments are available on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. If other times are preferred, please send your request by e-mail or call me. Then we can arrange another time for a meeting which costs 5 euros more than a regular appointment. If you click on the dates in the calendar below, you can see the available times.
If you book a time but it seems too far in the future, please write an email and I will add you to the waiting list. This means that if the time becomes available, I will let you know at least 24h before the meeting.
In order to book a meeting via Skype please choose “Asukoht” => “veeb” in the form below. In case of web-meeting, the prepayment is needed. Arengutreener OÜ account details are at the bottom of the page.
COST
Consultation (individual): 70 EUR/visit (visit = 1h)
Counselling (individual): 70 EUR/visit
Counselling (couple, family): 70 EUR/visit
If you wish to book a time which is not within my regular meeting times, then the price is 10 eur/visit more.
The payment is made in cash at the end of the session or via bank transfer before the session.
In case of web-meeting, prepayment is needed. Account details are:
Arengutreener OÜ
Account no: EE887700771001750109
Cancellation fees:
If the cancellation is made at least 24h before the meeting – 0 euros
6-12h before the meeting – 10 euros
5h or less – 100% of the cancelled session’s fee
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ABOUT ME
I graduated from Psychology major in Canada in 1995. For years I worked in HR until 2006 when I realized, that my passion and calling is to help mend relationships. I started professional training for family psychotherapy in 2007 and I received my qualification in Spring 2011. I am a member of Estonian Family Therapy Association. In addition, I have studied to become a family mediator. I finished my studies in 2008. In 2012 I studied Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples which provides a model for understanding adult love relationship and relieving the stress associated with it. I passed additional training in EFT in 2017 and 2018 when the focus was on teen and parent relationships, and also on mending relationships which have had to deal with an affair. In 2013 Imago Clinical Introductory Course taught me how couples (parent-child, man-woman) may connect again through talking and understanding. Imago dialogue is a good tool to facilitate this. In 2015 I took a course in mindfulness which helps to relieve anxiety and is one tool towards a more joyful life. Since 2015 I have been training parents of 2-8-year olds and 4-12-year olds misbehaving kids according to the program “Incredible Years”. In Spring 2017 I got certified and in the Fall 2018 I started as a peer coach for other group leaders. The training program included learning motivational interviewing (MI) skills and techniques. MI is useful when a person is ambivalent about certain change – I want the change and at the same time part of me does not. Erik van der Elst from Holland taught me how to train high divorce parents to improve their relationship to benefit the child. In Spring 2017 we carried out a group training following the “No kids in the Middle” methodology and witnessed some beautiful changes.
I did volunteer work at Tallinn Big Families’ Union in 2009-2014, at Jüri Gymnasium in 2008-2011 and in Avitus 2010-2013. 2012-2014 relationship related pieces were published at Delfi Naistekas webpage and in 2013-2015 I answered questions at vastused.ee. In January 2014 I founded EELK Family Center together with Manager Pia Ruotsala. The Center provides family counselling and has helped almost 1500 people by today. It expanded to Tartu and Haapsalu. In 2015 I composed a questionnaire to match singles for Teele and Toots matchmaking company. Shortly after followed the TV series where my task was to match people up and then counsel the development of their relationship. I am a trainer and in since May 2016 two e-courses in Estonian are available through ahsoo.ee website: “If and how to divorce?” and “How to preserve love and avoid affairs?”
I work in Estonian and English. I speak Russian but not enough to carry our therapy in Russian.
Writing a blog on relationship issues and publishing articles now and then in magazines is a hobby of mine. The blog also has some posts in English.
Most work I have done with the issue of separation or divorce which means that I help people who are planning to end the relationship, who are seeking ways to do it as smoothly as possible, and also who want get back together with their ex-partner. Many couples come to seek help with communications issues and turn to me because they fight too much. Many parents want help with their child’s problematic behavior.
READING MATERIALS
Clients often ask me for suggested reading in order to quietly ponder the important subjects or to discuss them with their partner. I will provide you with some suggestions which may be worth your time.
- G. Chapman’s “The Five Languages of Love” has been found useful by my clients. The book talks about different ways people express love and if your partner’s language of love is different, you may not notice or appreciate it.
- W. Harley “His needs, her needs: building an affair-proof marriage” talks about our needs as partners, how different these may be and how we may not know our partners needs at all. The author stresses that if you meet each other’s needs, then you can build an affair-proof relationship – intriguing isn’t it.
My recent book “Why people cheat? For prevention and solution” offers a comparative understanding of 8 major therapies and practices in Estonia through showing how the approach is carried out in the event of deception but not only. All therapists use the same case study to demonstrate the interventions.
My book “Relationship audit – handbook for couples” is sold in bookstores and bigger supermarkets. It is meant to be used by those who wish to take a close examining look at their relationship and find out which aspects of it are good and which aspects need improvement perhaps. The book is for those who do not wish to come to the meeting with me in order to do the audit together, but rather do it on their own or with their partner. The book contains theoretical background and some exercises to improve relationship quality. It is in Estonian at the moment but I have plans to translate it into English as well.
COLLEAGUES
My work includes many topics but there is an area which I do not practice myself and leave for my colleagues to help people with.
In seven years, Helen Sööl has acquired expert knowledge and experience in domestic violence and sexual abuse topics. She has a Masters degree in Psychology. In 2016 she published an educational children’s book on sexual abuse: “My body is mine.” The book teaches children to differentiate between proper and improper touch, how to distinguish abusive situations, how to say “No!”, and how to talk to trustworthy grown-ups about abuse. Helen works in Estonian and in English.
Contact: helen@suhtelabor.ee ; mob: 56253279